Being Away Too Long Is No One Else Loss But Ours!!
It was a beautiful Tuesday morning in December; the chilly harmattan wind blew across the compound, which was agog with activities. Everyone was outside, some exchanging greetings, some brushing their teeths, while others sat on the wooden bench discussing the day’s festivities.
It was our village house, and everyone was around, including extended relatives who came on a condolence visit for the demise of my late father.
I do not like brushing my teeth at the sink when ever I visit; rather, I enjoy standing by the corner of the house to wash my face and do my brushing in order to see everyone that came greeting and also to perceive the smell of the morning dew on the sand. And because it was harmattan period, it feels different, tastes different, and smells better than any other season of the year.
……Good morning. I heard a thick voice from a distance. I hope everyone is around, the voice asked my elder sister, who was busy sweeping the compound with Aziza ( Aziza… a sweeping gadget made of palm fronds) commonly used in the Eastern region of Nigeria.
I came to tell you people that our inlaws are coming today. I have informed the umunna and ndiome before now but deemed it necessary to come and remind everyone to be present. (Umunna means kinsmen, while ndiome means women).
On hearing his voice, I quickly went inside to avoid his long greetings and stories because I already realised who it was. I went to ask my mother about the man whom I know nothing about. Mma, when i called her, Dee Monday said that we should all come to his house this evening because his daughter is getting married.! Has he any daughters, let alone one about getting married??? I asked in bewilderment.
Oh okwa obu di tata ka Ndi ogo ya na abia*** she said in Igbo, ignoring my question. (Oh yes, it’s true that it’s today that his in-laws are coming.) Does he have a grownup girl? I only know about the small ones I met recently; I continued. Yes, he has two grown up girls from his first wife, but because it’s been long you people visited home, you wouldn’t know them, and they barely visit home too.
… ok, that’s good, I said.
Having been away for so long, I have never had the opportunity to witness the giving away of a girl in marriage, so I was very eager to grace the occasion and participate in one of my people’s oldest practiced traditions. With two of my elder brothers around with better knowledge of the tradition, I was more secured and interested. It wasn’t long before we all gathered at this my uncle’s compound, both the in-laws and kinsmen; the men were inside the sitting room and the women were at the backyard as tradition demanded.
There were jokes and exchange of pleasantries from both sides, shaking of hands, laughter, and the rest. When all were seated, then the real business began.
The visitors (in-laws) introduced themselves and stated the reason for their visit. 😁, they were questioned and challenged immediately by one of my uncles to repeat their intentions once more for clarification to the amusement of everyone, and behold, the father of the groom, irrespective of his age, stood up at the request of my young uncle and repeated himself.
The oldest of my kinsmen welcomed him and told him that we heard him clearly the first time but needed to hear him say it again.
Having presented their initial drinks and kolanuts, it was necessary that before we would accept them as tradition demands, we must first call our daughter to ask her if she is aware of their visit and if she is willing and interested in marrying the said young man, and it will be done in the presence of the visitors and her kinsmen.
This in particular I never knew of. Thank God for my presence today, I said in my heart.
Unfortunately, the groom was represented by his father and kinsmen, as he could not be there due to some personal reasons. I was asked to go call our sister for the traditional right of justification by questioning.
I stood up even though I had never met her nor knew what she looked like; I couldn’t thwart my kinsmen’s request. I went outside to call her, and behold, there stood two beautiful ladies. I told them that I was asked to call Nneoma, and she quickly came forward and slightly bent to greet me. Good evening, sir. I came to the house the other day, but you were not around. I met only mommy.
I am Neoma. she said.
Wow, so I have a beautiful sister like you I did not know of. Where have you been? With laughter and smiles in our faces, we embraced each other, and she said I would come to the house after, and I said you better do. “You are needed inside,” I said to her.
And the rest was history, as the video reveals.
I learnt a lot about our marriage rights and tradition that day, the procedures , requirements, and so on. I realised that it’s something that is handed down from generation to generation; in other words, we are the custodians of our cultures.
Just like I sat and watched my kinsmen perform the necessary rites of which they once learnt from their fathers and past generations, time shall come when I will be the one performing the rights and younger ones will be by the side watching, but HOW WOULD I HAVE KNOWN THE RIGHT AND TRADITION IF I DO NOT VISIT HOME OR WITNESS ONE MYSELF?
Nevertheless, I could have walked past Nneoma on the road any day without knowing that she is indeed my blood relation. One of the reasons I said being away for too long is no one’s loss but ours. There are huge benefits to visiting home.
the untold Realities 