A talented writer who loves presenting stories from personal experience. My writing is very interesting and fascinating. with a sense of reality, bringing audiences and readers into a world of untold viewpoints, distinguishing between preconceptions and myths, and recognising our range of viewpoints in order to gain a deeper comprehension of our environment.I enjoy writing/learning more about a variety of subjects. However, the majority are personal pieces that portray ordinary experiences, mindfulness, fiction, and other things. As a writer, my objective is to leave a lasting positive impression on my audience by educating, entertaining, inspiring, sharing, and provoking thinking.
Raising children is an ongoing process that requires selflessness, courage, and a lot of giving. Many parents today lack this courage because they are too focused on providing for their children and miss out on some of the most significant, fascinating, and beautiful moments from their childhood.
The first is that it advances your professional, friendship, and fatherhood. Children are impulsive, don’t think twice about what they do, and communicate from the heart. It gives you experiences and enables you to discover the true beauty of life.
As a father, you must be in the photo or tale cover of your child since childhood is the time of life when we all grow up with unadulterated energy and memories that are kept with emotions in our hearts. It also marks the beginning of our final chapter with our family, loved ones, and life. Old age is beautiful because of the memories from our childhood; they also help us remember things. Additionally, it revitalises and renews our soul, enabling us to reflect on the past, recognise the value of time, and gain a deeper understanding of what life is all about.
Many of us weren’t even there when our kids were born or during their pregnancies. It’s equally harmful to not have these kinds of experiences.
Additionally, it prepares us for instances where we will have to give guidance to our children in the future.
It’s the period when strong ties between parents and children are formed.
It benefits you as well as your children on their own.
without doubt one may not be wrong to say about *Eighty percent of males in my generation thought that only frail men could care for their children. Men who performed household chores such as cooking, feeding, laundry, bathing, sweeping, and other tasks were considered weak and susceptible to manipulation and dominance by their spouse. It is important to note that 80% of men do not currently have a positive or meaningful relationship with their children. Our children should receive all of the love, care, and devotion from both of their parents; this should be done for their benefit rather than your own ego, your spouse’s benefit, or the benefit of anybody else. Your ability to make decisions alters the moment you become a father. Recognising the strain that comes with having children… to be continued
If Your thought can make you sick …It can also make You whole …
Holding firmly to the layers of belt provided for stand-by commutters as the bus moves steadly, swaying and dangling side ways mostly at intersections due to it’s multy layer coach, with my back pack hanging on my left shoulder and Two hands up i struggled to catch my feet from swaggring alongside with the bus . I have not been this emotionally traumatized in a decade, like One out of reality i feel deadalive Graudally becoming and extrem introvert to the extent of getting bored by being around people mostly those that contribute Unwanted energy.
Having read few Books on personal growth like (Everyday Heroes,12Rules for life, subtile act of not giving a fuck) etc, i use every medium possible to avart things that doesn’t improve my life inclusive of discussion, emotions and activities ,My thoughts Became my streangth and indirectly my biggest foe.
I realized that a great percentage of my life was a factual One (i live in my thought)
Which was as a result of the circumstances i found myself .
As a migrant of African decent with families back home the current economic situation brought about by recent pandemic and current wars has as a matter of fact worsen my capabilities in providing substantial securities for my family. The most annoying part of the distress comes when people around you both home/ Abroad never believe in stories of your predicament, (like R Kelly in one of his song ).**people look at me and said boy your blessed but refused to see my unhappiness **. The motion that men don’t talk has generally resulted in increase in suicide among men, it very difficult to tell your problems to people that will not listen or believe you , more so laugh and gossip with ur problems other than helping or rendering a good advice. Irrespective of that I strongly understand that I am responsible for myself and no one owes me anything so I better man up and keep pushing.
The past one year has been toughest of my life in a decade most times problems are better managed when it comes in one directions but very difficult when it comes in multiple directions, that’s is exactly what I have faced in the past one year, physically, spiritually, financially, emotionally, Most times I praise myself for not succumbing in the face of them. It’s truth of the saying *You don’t know how strong you are until being strong becomes the only option*. Totally exasperated With thought and ideas on how to overcome my challenges I sometimes become unaware of my behaviors and physical maneuvers (I will be lost in thought ) until something abrupt call back my attention . Suddenly I realized the scantiness of the bus I boarded having enough un occupied seats which skipped my attention because I was factually present
It was then my thought of desperation and predicament was quelled when I saw a white man through the bus transparent door picking what looks like food from waste bin immediately my spirit reminded me how blessed I am despite my current predicament .knowing that irrespective of my circumstances its better to look on the brighter side of life and be optimistic because if ones thoughts can make him/her sad/sick same thoughts can make him/her whole and happy. Every one is going through something Keep strong and never lose hope you will definitely get better.
I opened his Car door and sat at the passenger Seat he Said something in danish language which i didn’t understand, my face ridiculed with bewilderment in seek of answers thinking that it’s related to my ten munites late to his work appointment…… You have lived in this country for ten years yet you do not speak dansk he Said ironically with smiles on his face; immediately i felt a sense of guilt as i was caught off guard by his speech which was falsely true. How do i explain Reasons behind my not speaking Dansk or even any other European language fluently to him!! I struggled to shake off the guilt by saying… it’s difficult language to learn. ** I Will teach you if you want But you have to pay me Four kroner.. ^^hahaha i laughed ***just Four kroner? ( i playfully asked in return to his humor) like many of his antics his humor and honesty are sine qua non because he has a special Way with words that always Got me laughing to my stomach. I was not expecting a rhetoric of such Nature so after laughing i felt a little bad of which he has no blame of any kind.
He was right. I should and supposed to speak as Well understand the language of this country by now especially having lived here for almost a decade; its a Common fact that majority of African migrants like myself do not speak the language of the countries that harbors Us which is appalling in every Way.
Language Communication is essential for integration and growth in any society But even more essential for healthy Living; In most cases language systematically reduces the level Humans mischievousness and unwarranted attack towards non speakers or indigenes as the case maybe.
The benefits that accrues to individuals that speak; understands Their host country’s language are numerous, the ability to speak and understand the language of the Locals pave ways and enhances understanding of the environment, culture, and ways of life of people of host country. It allow Them to socialize easily and effectively in some case as Everyone prefers people they Can easily interact with and this is not unknown to migrants of my kind.
However if the benefits of language is Well known to African migrants in Europe Why do they ignore or reject the assimilation at Their own detriment?? A question with a million unheard Cries and answers. *** I asked myself again. How do i explain the Reason behind my not speaking dansk or even any other European language fluently to him!? Because my prior excuse (of dansk being difficult) holds no water even though it’s truth.
Migrants from Africa are mostly affected by language barrier and assimilation in Europe due to some unspeakable circumstances they encounter at the initial phase of Their migration with exceptional case of a selected few.
Asylum process for African migrants in some European States are skewed and inhumane . Most asylum seekers of African descent spend years on process with out knowing Their fate;They are refused working permit and other social benefits; live in fear of rejection and possible repatriation to Their country of origin if the decision of asylum comes negative. Majority of africans migrants evades deportation by seeking refuges from One European State to another before finally achieving Their Ultimate goal which is obtaining resident permit.
These circumstances together with Age, family, mental stress and other unforeseen conditions directly or indirectly affects Their ability and desire of learning, speaking and understanding Their host country’s language fluently as Well increase Their vulnerabilities of mischiefs. Language assimilation is vital in any given society But it’s enhancement is only possible in Secured environment and peaceful mindset.
However i advice the future European bound migrants if any; to Endeavour to make learning of Their host country’s language a priority irrespective of the difficulties the circumstances; it’s to Their best interest and benefits, mentally, socially, even Security wise.
It is a difficult language You know But i do speak little of German and spanish, and very little of dansk But i Will have to improve in my danish learning i ended up saying as We both laugh while he drives
Children are priceless gifts irrespective of the circumstances in which they are conceived; their birth are thrilled with emotions and awesomeness. Life is more precious and immaculate at birth reason for the overwhelming protections assigned to kids at tender ages.
Why have a child of which fatherly access would be denied from you in the future!? It’s a million question every male black migrant in Europe must consider before contemplating on having a child… It is perceived mostly by black male migrants that one of the easiest way of obtaining resident permit is by having a child together with a female citizen of the country of residence Even without a proper knowledge of the said lady or country’s laws in regards to the benefits that accrues from fatherhood which is not enough reason in my perspective. the future of our children should be our priority and must be considered in our every day decision even prior to their birth .
I was on phone yesterday with a friend that was deported to Nigeria from Austria 🇦🇹 last month, I was unable to sustain the conversation for a longer period because of the tones of his language and the bitterness in his voice. Utterly he was crying deeply. His pains was not the deportation but his three grown up children that he may likely not see again. I could remember early 2012 in second district of Vianna; how happy he was and often seen with his three molate children two girls and a boy. He was indeed a caring father not one of the useless ones., every one of us that newly came admired him and wished to be like him in future , a dream lot of us are thankful for not coming through today because of the high rate of deportation of male black migrants that have children in Europe without their children at any slightest crimes (mistakes) even the most lenient ones.
Crimes are not good irrespective of reasons behind them, I hereby condemn it in every way, but however when a man with a family is involved the punishment should be separated from his entire family, his crime should not be used as a yardstick to destroy the lives of his children by perpetually taking his presence away from them in way of deportation and banishment after serving his terms in correctional facilities.
The trauma effects experienced by young people of color whose parents (especially fathers )are deported and banned from entering the county even on a visit is unjustifiable;to children with good relationship with their fathers it result in total breakdowns of behavior, morals and leads to crime in return. Some people argue that the pain of divorces and child custody fights among people of color in Europe is equivalent to that of deportation but it’s not true. Though it’s very unfortunate that most people of color do not consider the well-being and the future of their child/children in their decision but deportation and child custody are totally different and should not be compared. Truth be told 95% of mixed race children in Europe either do not *have a father* do not know who their father is* do not know where their father is * and do not have a fatherly upbringings
In other words their father is either barred by the system, denied access, incarcerated or deported.
Then I ask! Why have children? It’s true that people are of different reasoning and also circumstances plays some roles every now and then but what ever the reason we should not trade our children as a means rather as an end. it’s high time people of color especially(males)stop trading the future of their children for residents permit which does not confer an equal rights enjoyed by the citizens of their said country of residence. And if you must raise family in this part of the world save your child/children the future torture of your absence either in correctional facilities or deportation by not going against the law of the land of which you resides..Our children are our continuity may we never be found missing in their lives and may we never deny them the benefit of fatherly ❤️
The Abroad Paradise Deception ( when no One is there to Fix You; You fix yourself)
I turned the hot water in a bowel and added a little balm which immediatly increased the heat of the vepor i Then folded my face towel in two equal halves dipped it in hot water and massage my shoulder repeatedly , it was painful but i continued as i have little or no option at my disposal.
It has been three days since the pain on my right shoulder began after few days of painkillers intake without reliefs I decided to do the needful, apply Home medication as was taught by my parentes, and Believe me it worked, i was able to sleep better that night than the previous ones.
I repeated the hot water massages each morning not minding the pains which sometimes baffles me in the sense that i am the same person administrering the painful massage on myself for the relief of the cronic pains. In other words am my own medic a position someone Else could have easily taken if i were to be with my family or back Home but it’s fine it was not my first time of being in such position; I could remember vividly three years ago in Madrid i was rushed to emergency hospital in Spain, One of the best hospital in the world, because of a sevare stomach pain;
When every medical analyses proved abortive, i was asked to provide a next of kin for attestation before i would undergo a process called sigmoidoscopy because i was fast detoriating, i told Them i have no One; the doctors and nures could not Believe but it was true. I had no One, friends that supposed to go to the hospital with me on that day were engaged and Their reasons perfectly understood by me . Fortunatly i was asked to sign the documents myself and because some One related to me supposed to be present during the sigmoidoscopy i was assigned with three female nurses out of pity whose roles, were of immense importance for my Well being while i was operated on ; this story i Will continue another time.
One thing i learned in my decades of Living abroad especially Europe is that of self-Reliants and sufficient. You must standup for yourself because no One Else Will. There is no feeling of entiltlement from anyone except blood relations or families as the case May be. There are many friends but very good few which needful circumstances Will prove you wrong, and in Europe 98% of Them Will dissapiont you and you Will be fine because everyone is fighting his or her battle just like you.
Back Then in Africa as a teenager i was of the opinion that i was entilted to my elder brothers; uncle, cousin’s help to a certain age before reality hit me. So many entiltlements ranging from emotion to accomodation to finanaces and many more ; maybe it’s a Black culture because such does not exits here in Europe. And such decreases our willpower which conditioned Our mindset therefore deminishing Our potentials, I have reliazed that One of the reasons people succeed in Europe is of the fact of Self-reliant with Little or no expectation from people except The government. No One owes you anything and no ones owes you apology. Especially the lives of Lone Black migrants like myself are most affected in the sense that, it’s hard to gain from the system. You must work to feed, you must cook to eat. You must wash and clean your space to be clean and healthy, and you must do Them with open mind without help from anyone because you have no other option, there is no free ride to anything , As a Lone person with no parents and siblings around you are all to yourself and must do the necessary things to survive or bear the grunts. To live abroad One must understand that Nothing is free,
Over the years people in Africa Think abroad is easy where One Can easily Become Rich overnight, I myself was guilty of such narrative when my cousin came back from Germany 1996 with Mercedes-Benz and his white woman, building House and his families Living Well, it Became a fantasy and Dream of every Young boy to travel abroad, this was due the One sided view of life, all We could see was the flashy part without asking questions about the terms and conditions, even when they Try to tell us about Their predecament We often dont Believe in the sense that the person looks fresh, drives a Car and build houses.
It’s a vicious circle which exits til date.
Abroad is good with a right mindset and purpose, its for matured person because 80% of Black migrants in abroad today suffers from mental depression and high blood pressures due ro the realities on ground and conditions they found themselves. Irrespective of your condition you are still expected to do the needful for the families back in Africa whose survivals directly or indirectly depends on you in form of entiltlment or necessities either Way….there are many stories untold and until they are told Our people Will continue to Believe the deception that abroad is Paradise.
My phone ranged and it was James *i am at the Office with my friend you Can come if you want he Said. It was a Sunny sunday the warmest day of the year at 19o celsius it Will be interesting to enjoy the natures free vitamin D which is seldomly found in this part of the world .
In Denmark every Sunny day calls for a drink and it’s been a while i had an outdoor meeting and discussion with friends due to corona pandemic restriction but Thank God they are eased. I Got up from my bed took a shower and went the city to meet James, because I live a Stone throw away from the city center Norröport so within the space of 15munites i was at his Office;i was offered a sit and drink immediatly after exchanging pleasantries . He was with his friend from Gambia whom he has known for very Long time and they were at mid of discussion of which Africa is the topic.
Africa is the future Said mamba, i just came back from Gambia last week and Believe me i feel better and good when ever i visit Home, i have been in this country for the past 20yrs and i have worked my Ass off the good thing is, i have a permanent resident i Can go and come when opportunity calls, i save up money from ny work here to invest in Africa, the second time i visited Gambia i teamed up with One of my friend and We registered a logistics Company with Two mini Van trucks and i tell you guys it was my best decision i have made in years, Even right now i am prospecting to open bakery after meeting you guys i have an appointment with a Facebook seller for an automatik oven and some bakery tools
… Wooow thats really good i Said, it’s a good idea and it’s high time i start thinking same Way Said James. You know i have work at this restaurant for the past 15yrs and investing back Home has not crossed my mind though i have been advised by my friend to Try it but always skeptical on it’s Success due to my absent, i always Think and feel that it Will not yield any profit or my employees Will take advantage of me for not being around…
Ya you are right in a Way Said Mamba i thought so as Well until i was told the secreet of it, i was advised to put my workers on good salary a little above the normal amount paid in Gambia and also develope a cordial relationship with my manager and thats exactly What i did and could you Believe every month i have a return of 6thousand krones from the logistics Company from Gambia and so far so good it has been a Success . One thing i dont want is to Become an Old man in Europe like my uncle who is now lonely poor, sad and weak.
I have been in Europe for decades Believe me i have had the experiences of every kind, the good the bad and the ugly, i must say that the present State of Europe is very critical, it’s at it’s worst form and being a person of color that was not born here the system is not made for us no matter how had you Try you Can not fit in. Before the economy meltdown of 2008 Europe was the best place to be when it comes to economy and social welfare Reason for the open door immigration policy and assylum which Saw a magnitide of assylum seekers stormed Europe from all over the world; however after the meltdown things started to change, Their economy started going Down and so was Their immigration Laws and policies,
Therefore the free ride to some social benefits were withdrawn and jobs were lost, on the verge of recovering the financial meltdown of 2008, come the corona pandemic and the rest is history.
I could remember vividly how easy it was to get money Then Either while working or otherwise and how flashy and stupid Our people spend money on irrelevant things such as expensive clothes, jeweries, cars and night life with no plan of investment
No One was thinking of days like this and most of Them are paying the Price today.
It’s unfurnate that the only works available for people of color in this part of the world are manual, those that requires physical strength not brain which ranges from cleaning ,logistics ; farming; and slutter works of whose conditions are often despicable but must be done anyways.
the age level of these works Fall within the bracket of 18-35years but that does not apply to people of color.
I remember working in a logistics Company Years ago with Four elderly men of of color in Their lates 50s and early 60s lifting heavy objects and most times after finishing my shift Will help Them with Their work , i also realised that no Young men would want any of Them to be in Their group because of Their low manpower.
A good examination always reveal that most of these people misused Their opportunity of early years in Europe and never invested back Home in Africa and therefore have Nothing to Fall back on, Their children does not Care for Them as much because they too are finding it hard through the system, the Old men do not have a good working recorde as to quality for retirement benefits and also Can not go Home to africa because they have no means of sustainance, now they are stück in the system and foriegn land Old, weak, poor, sad and worst of it all lonely…the Old age which is supposed to be a blessing becomes a curse on Them.
….Wise people learn from the mistake of others… (it’s high time We Think Home)
With a face and Voice full of rage i could see the Pain in his Voice as much as the love for his daughter whose custody is being denied from him, *** bro ( he continued) Can you imagine I travel from copenhagen denmark to Stockholm Sweden to see my daughter as mandated of me once every month for the past 6years by the this bias Swedish court. To my surprise on reaching there today i got a text message by this woman that she could not make it, after a journey of 6hours !!! most times I would be made to wait for hours for her to show up despite that she resides 30munites away from the location agreed in her favour by the court as Our Meeting place. the worst of it is that most times this woman i once had as my Wife (ex Wife) would not allow me to speak with my daughter on the phone, all these i have explained to the judges and the social workers assigned to us to no avail . She is doing everything at her power to get at me without minding the effects on Our only child.
I am worried that i might not see my daughter in time to come if this coninue this Way .
What do i do? I dont want to lose my daughter to this ingrate of a woman he Said to me as i Watch him in total dismay and pity ; Maybe You change your Lawyer i suggested; Yea; you are right thats exactaly What i Will do.
I really dont know the problem with us african migrants when it comes to marriage in Europe maybe it’s the fault of the system that gave much power to women over male when it comes to marraige or it’s a Well planed orcharstered system of destroying people or color household by removing the male figure in live of there children. This was my fear of raising a family/children in Europe because like Omar 90% of men of color lost Their children custody and have Their family destroyed as Well .
Having not only read on the news the mass restriant, divources; separation, and destruction of marriages of people of color in western world, i witness few, with out apportioning blames only to Our women because Our men shares to a degree, However the benefits that accrue to the single mother scheme and the support given to Them by the western government and the system has given rise to the mass destruction of families espcially that of people of color whose women see it as avenue of making extra money and Living large even to the detriment of Their children .
My biggest pain is; i was the person that brought this woman to Europe Said Omar I remember him telling me this story the first time he came back from Sweden on similer character after a failed expectation from the court proceedings. I married this woman in Gambia ; did everything for her paid for her flight, shelter, feed and clothed her and fought for her resident permit without knowing that she has an ulterior motive, after a year We welcome Our daughter together Then she started giving problems,i would go to work in the morning only to come back and be nagged at, issues We could settle within ourself she would involve the police even after i plead and plead for her not involve the police for the sake of Our child, i was asked to leave my place and given a perimeter avoidance or risk going to jail. I am really heartbroken he Said. You must stay stronge i Said to him; if not for anything for your daughter.
I decided to go inside my room leaving him in the kitchen; even inside my room his ordeal and issues kept me restless as i tried to ponder on the Reason behind the behaviour of women of color to Their Husband or partner here in Europe .
It is at alarming the level of divource and child custody fight among the people of color in 21st century in the US and Europe, but more alarming are the effects of this foolishiness either in the Name of equality; monetry gain; and power on the children as a result of which social and Home training of these children are totally destroyed.
Every child deserve the affection of both parent for a better society until proven otherwise and children that are natured by both parentes stands out; if our society are to become better socially economically and otherwise it high time We stop indirect systematical destruction of families through the scheme that encourages single parenting financially or otherwise because in the end it’s Our societies that Bears the brunt.
the untold Realities 