Children are priceless gifts irrespective of the circumstances by which they are conceived; their birth is thrilled with emotions and awesomeness. Life is more precious and immaculate at birth, which explains the overwhelming protections assigned to kids at tender ages.

Why have a child of which fatherly access would be denied from you in the future!? It’s a million questions every male black migrant in Europe must consider before contemplating having a child… It is perceived mostly by black male migrants that one of the easiest ways of obtaining a resident permit is by having a child together with a female citizen of the country of residence. Even without a proper knowledge of the said lady or country’s laws in regards to the benefits that accrue from fatherhood, which is not enough reason in my perspective. The future of our children should be our priority and must be considered in our every-day decisions even prior to their birth. 

. 

I was on the phone yesterday with a friend that was deported to Nigeria from Austria. 🇦🇹last month I was unable to sustain the conversation for a longer period because of the tones of his language and the bitterness in his voice.  Suddenly he was crying deeply.  His pain was not the deportation but his three grown children that he may likely not see again. I could remember early  2011 how happy he was and often seen with his three beautiful and handsome kids two girls and a boy. He was indeed a careering father not one of the irresponsible ones. Every one of us that newly came admired him and wished to be like him . A dream lot of us are thankful for not coming through today because of the high rate of deportation of male black migrants that have childrein Europe   without their children at any slightest  misdemeanor ),s) even the most lenient ones.Crimes are not good irrespective of reasons behind them, I hereby condemn it in every way, but however when a man with a family is involved the punishment should be separated from his entire family, his crime should not be used as a yardstick to destroy the lives of his children by perpetually taking his presence away from them in way of deportation and banishment after serving his terms in correctional facilities.                                    The trauma effects experienced by young people of color whose parents (especially fathers) are deported and banned from entering the county even on a visit is unjustifiable to children with good relationships with their fathers; it results in total breakdowns of behavior, morals and leads to crime in return. Some people argue that the pain of divorces and child custody fights among people of color in

Some people argue that the pain of divorces and child custody fights among people of color in Europe is equivalent to that of deportation, but it’s not true. Though it’s quite unfortunate that most people of color do not consider the well-being and the future of their child/children in their decision. However, deportation and child custody are totally different issues and not compared. Truth be told, the majority of mixed race children in Europe hitherto either do not *have a father*, do not know who their father is*, do not know where their father is*, and do not have a fatherly upbringing. 

In other words, their father is either barred by the system, denied access, incarcerated or deported, or decided not to participate in the nurturing Their kids.

Be that as it may

Then I ask! Why have children? It’s true that people are of different reasoning, and also circumstances play some roles every now and then, but whatever the reason, we should not trade our children as a means rather than an end. it’s high time people of color especially(males)stop trading the future of their children for residents permit which does not confer an equal rights enjoyed by the citizens of their said country of residence. And if you must raise family in this part of the world save your child/children the future torture of your absence either in correctional facilities or deportation by not going against the law of the land of which you resides..Our children are our continuity may we never be found missing in their lives and may we never deny them the benefit of fatherhood ❤️

Having lost my father, I became a changed man—exactly what happened to me when I had my daughter, but in the opposite direction.

The two strongest forces of life. The indispensable mysterious opposite forces on earth that bring joy and pain Yet it’s the circle ⭕️ of life, birth, and death. My daughter’s birth brought so much happiness—a different kind that I never knew existed. Becoming a father for the first time in life was an experience that swept me off my feet even as it exposed me to many responsibilities that could not be neglected. 

Traveling home to meet this adorable gift from God for the first time got me fantasizing, and holding her in my arms and playing with her always had me in awe. ***Omalicha daddy Ya *** Momila, maama, chimama pet names I call her as she smiles in response each time she hears one. Eating together and doing all sorts of things makes me happy and fulfilled; those are the memories that are worth more than gold.

However, once I came back to Nigeria, my parents, knowing that I was back, would immediately call to know when I was coming down to visit them in the village. Knowing the friendly and awesome relationship I have with them, especially my father, I always felt joy visiting them, as many would always lodge in hotels. When back from abroad, I did the opposite: I slept and woke with them, ate and worked with them in the same house, talked, played, and did so many home chores as much as I could.

My parents have a way of teasing us with pet names. Booyiant, a British man, and Eze ndi igbo na Denmark were pet names my father calls me, and I reciprocate with smiles just as my daughter does when I call her. Knowing fully well that I don’t get such opportunities, often I try using them judiciously, and it makes them so happy. Most times I see the look on their faces when neighbors ask or visit and ask them. *** Dee m Ogu/Justina * Did you children come back? 

Sometimes friends that don’t know our family when they see us together would ask 

Are these your children?? The look on their faces and response would have had me smiling. *** Yes, they are my children; this is the one that resides in Spain, and this is the one that resides in South Africa. 

Happiness written all over their faces for our visits makes us want to visit them more. Having shared great memories from tender age to hitherto, I would not dare exchange it for anything. 

As we grow older, one tends to understand what is really important and what is less important. The unexpected death of my father brought pains that I never knew existed, and as I am yet to believe that fact, I would never see or share the beautiful moments with him again. The painful experience had me rediscover and redefine my priorities. 

In our quest for a better life, we should endeavor to create a balance and not forget to spend time with our loved ones, especially our wives, husbands, children, parents, and siblings. Give them what to hold on to and remember when death knocks. In as much as I could remember my conversations with my late father, his gifts, and the memories of time spent together, it was my personal experience of life with him, which I would cherish as long as I lived.

Life is what happens while you are busy doing other things, but the question is:. ***What are you actually doing?***

Life is memories.

*Make sure yours is worth remembering.*

Continuation

Me…# Babe But Chimama has said she kept it back, and I believe her. Maybe I don’t know. 

Like a missfired bullet; baeoflife.^so i dont know what am saying?? She asked me irronically, She is right and I am wrong.” Is that what you’re saying? She enquired yet again!!

I submitted like a surrendered soldier. Me* Babe, no no, thats not it. I didn’t mean it that way, even with her facial expressions indicating she was trying so hard to withhold her laughter, pretending to keep a mean face😂 as she climbed stairs to the kids room.

Munites later Babe Babe, I heard Bae of Life‘s voice calling me. I have found the lip gloss in Chimara’s drawer, and she still remembers not keeping it here. She continued. Immediately, I called Omalicha and told her that it was possible that she forgot how she misplaced it, but her confoundence coupled with her body posture couldn’t deny her innocence. Come on, girls, it’s time to bathe. It’s bedtime. said their mom The kids hurried down to the couch, playing as their mom organized their room before bathing. Having bathed and dressed in their pinjamas, Omalicha and her sister Boo-boo came running to me simultaneously, saying they wanted to stay a little while with me before going to bed. Omalicha is leaning on my right hand, and her sister is on my left hand side.

Done with their room, Babe, they can now go to bed.^said Baeoflife^

I woke Omalicha with almost closed eyes, while Akuoma was still awake at the moment. They all stood up and went to bed. I quickly eased myself, already tired from staying with them all day. How was work today? I asked Bae of life with relief as we continued the conversation while looking at her beautiful smiles, radiating beauty and love all over the household 😍🥰. It wasn’t a few minutes before she started answering that

Akuoma came down, speaking lowly and calmly, “I want to stay with my dad,” while her mom tried to cajole her into going back to bed, which made her cry out a little more. Seeing how she struggled to go back, I called her and carried her in my arms while petting her all along. (beautiful moment of family life)❤️🥰😍😘

 Boo-boo 

To be continued 

Having vacumed the house few hours before she came back from her last shift, the kids and I had been running around the house in errands, cautioning, loving, learning, cooking, playing also beginning to understand each other better (life)

The doorbell rang, and the kids jumped, shouting,Mommy, We all already know it was Baeoflife .. welcome Babe, i said as the kids hugs her in happiness of her return.., before jokingly running back to shouting **runnaway is strenger runnaway its strenger as We all laughed wholeheartedly🥰😁😃 .. ( the beauty of family life).

Baeoflife..*chimara, where did you keep the liplose that you took off of my jacket yesterday? I need  it!

I kept it back in your jacket mommy. She replied her mom.

Baeoflife..** My initial search this morning before heading to work was for it, even though it’s not in my pocket. It’s unbelievable to think that I might have lost it . She carried on

I bet that Omalicha kept it back 😁. I Said shortly  in respons to her curious Face on me

I realised I had been swept up in the crossfire as the discussion went on with baeoflife (baeoflife a nickname Call my Wife and she love it ❤️😁), and my daughter, Omalicha Daddy Ya

Baeoflife… Babe i have warned  these your kids to stop  searching through my bags and taking anything.😂☺️ But they are not listening .. Babe please talk to Them oh🥰☺️( fatherly presence) with 

Smiles all over  my face  i replied promising to speak with Omalicha and boo-boo❤️🥰

 To be continued

Raising children is an ongoing process that requires selflessness, courage, and a lot of giving. Many parents today lack this courage because they are too focused on providing for their children and miss out on some of the most significant, fascinating, and beautiful moments from their childhood.

The first is that it advances your professional, friendship, and fatherhood. Children are impulsive, don’t think twice about what they do, and communicate from the heart. It gives you experiences and enables you to discover the true beauty of life. 

As a father, you must be in the photo or tale cover of your child since childhood is the time of life when we all grow up with unadulterated energy and memories that are kept with emotions in our hearts. It also marks the beginning of our final chapter with our family, loved ones, and life. Old age is beautiful because of the memories from our childhood; they also help us remember things. Additionally, it revitalises and renews our soul, enabling us to reflect on the past, recognise the value of time, and gain a deeper understanding of what life is all about.

Many of us weren’t even there when our kids were born or during their pregnancies. It’s equally harmful to not have these kinds of experiences.

 Additionally, it prepares us for instances where we will have to give guidance to our children in the future. 

It’s the period when strong ties between parents and children are formed.

It benefits you as well as your children on their own.

without doubt one may not be wrong to say about *Eighty percent of males in my generation thought that only frail men could care for their children. Men who performed household chores such as cooking, feeding, laundry, bathing, sweeping, and other tasks were considered weak and susceptible to manipulation and dominance by their spouse. It is important to note that 80% of men do not currently have a positive or meaningful relationship with their children. Our children should receive all of the love, care, and devotion from both of their parents; this should be done for their benefit rather than your own ego, your spouse’s benefit, or the benefit of anybody else. Your ability to make decisions alters the moment you become a father. Recognising the strain that comes with having children… to be continued

If Your thought can make you sick …It can also make You whole …

Holding firmly to the layers of belt provided for stand-by commutters as the bus moves steadly, swaying and dangling side ways mostly at intersections due to it’s multy layer coach, with my back pack hanging on my left shoulder and Two hands up i struggled to catch my feet from swaggring alongside with the bus . I have not been this emotionally traumatized in a decade, like One out of reality i feel deadalive Graudally becoming and extrem introvert to the extent of getting bored by being around people mostly those that contribute Unwanted energy.

Having read few Books on personal growth like (Everyday Heroes,12Rules for life, subtile act of not giving a fuck) etc, i use every medium possible to avart things that doesn’t improve my life inclusive of discussion, emotions and activities ,My thoughts Became my streangth and indirectly my biggest foe.

I realized that a great percentage of my life was a factual One (i live in my thought)

Which was as a result of the circumstances i found myself .

As a migrant of African decent with families back home the current economic situation brought about by recent pandemic and current wars has as a matter of fact worsen my capabilities in providing substantial securities for my family. The most annoying part of the distress comes when people around you both home/ Abroad never believe in stories of your predicament, (like R Kelly in one of his song ).**people look at me and said boy your blessed but refused to see my unhappiness **. The motion that men don’t talk has generally resulted in increase in suicide among men, it very difficult to tell your problems to people that will not listen or believe you , more so laugh and gossip with ur problems other than helping or rendering a good advice. Irrespective of that I strongly understand that I am responsible for myself and no one owes me anything so I better man up and keep pushing.

The past one year has been toughest of my life in a decade most times problems are better managed when it comes in one directions but very difficult when it comes in multiple directions, that’s is exactly what I have faced in the past one year, physically, spiritually, financially, emotionally, Most times I praise myself for not succumbing in the face of them. It’s truth of the saying *You don’t know how strong you are until being strong becomes the only option*. Totally exasperated With thought and ideas on how to overcome my challenges I sometimes become unaware of my behaviors and physical maneuvers (I will be lost in thought ) until something abrupt call back my attention . Suddenly I realized the scantiness of the bus I boarded having enough un occupied seats which skipped my attention because I was factually present

It was then my thought of desperation and predicament was quelled when I saw a white man through the bus transparent door picking what looks like food from waste bin immediately my spirit reminded me how blessed I am despite my current predicament .knowing that irrespective of my circumstances its better to look on the brighter side of life and be optimistic because if ones thoughts can make him/her sad/sick same thoughts can make him/her whole and happy. Every one is going through something Keep strong and never lose hope you will definitely get better.

I opened his Car door and sat at the passenger Seat he Said something in danish language which i didn’t understand, my face ridiculed with bewilderment in seek of answers thinking that it’s related to my ten munites late to his work appointment…… You have lived in this country for ten years yet you do not speak dansk he Said ironically with smiles on his face; immediately i felt a sense of guilt as i was caught off guard by his speech which was falsely true. How do i explain Reasons behind my not speaking Dansk or even any other European language fluently to him!! I struggled to shake off the guilt by saying… it’s difficult language to learn. ** I Will teach you if you want But you have to pay me Four kroner.. ^^hahaha i laughed ***just Four kroner? ( i playfully asked in return to his humor) like many of his antics his humor and honesty are sine qua non because he has a special Way with words that always Got me laughing to my stomach. I was not expecting a rhetoric of such Nature so after laughing i felt a little bad of which he has no blame of any kind.

He was right. I should and supposed to speak as Well understand the language of this country by now especially having lived here for almost a decade; its a Common fact that majority of African migrants like myself do not speak the language of the countries that harbors Us which is appalling in every Way.

Language Communication is essential for integration and growth in any society But even more essential for healthy Living; In most cases language systematically reduces the level Humans mischievousness and unwarranted attack towards non speakers or indigenes as the case maybe.

The benefits that accrues to individuals that speak; understands Their host country’s language are numerous, the ability to speak and understand the language of the Locals pave ways and enhances understanding of the environment, culture, and ways of life of people of host country. It allow Them to socialize easily and effectively in some case as Everyone prefers people they Can easily interact with and this is not unknown to migrants of my kind.

However if the benefits of language is Well known to African migrants in Europe Why do they ignore or reject the assimilation at Their own detriment?? A question with a million unheard Cries and answers. *** I asked myself again. How do i explain the Reason behind my not speaking dansk or even any other European language fluently to him!? Because my prior excuse (of dansk being difficult) holds no water even though it’s truth.

Migrants from Africa are mostly affected by language barrier and assimilation in Europe due to some unspeakable circumstances they encounter at the initial phase of Their migration with exceptional case of a selected few.

Asylum process for African migrants in some European States are skewed and inhumane . Most asylum seekers of African descent spend years on process with out knowing Their fate;They are refused working permit and other social benefits; live in fear of rejection and possible repatriation to Their country of origin if the decision of asylum comes negative. Majority of africans migrants evades deportation by seeking refuges from One European State to another before finally achieving Their Ultimate goal which is obtaining resident permit.

These circumstances together with Age, family, mental stress and other unforeseen conditions directly or indirectly affects Their ability and desire of learning, speaking and understanding Their host country’s language fluently as Well increase Their vulnerabilities of mischiefs. Language assimilation is vital in any given society But it’s enhancement is only possible in Secured environment and peaceful mindset.

However i advice the future European bound migrants if any; to Endeavour to make learning of Their host country’s language a priority irrespective of the difficulties the circumstances; it’s to Their best interest and benefits, mentally, socially, even Security wise.

It is a difficult language You know But i do speak little of German and spanish, and very little of dansk But i Will have to improve in my danish learning i ended up saying as We both laugh while he drives

**** from beauty of the inner strength

Children are priceless gifts irrespective of the circumstances in which they are conceived; their birth are thrilled with emotions and awesomeness. Life is more precious and immaculate at birth reason for the overwhelming protections assigned to kids at tender ages.

Why have a child of which fatherly access would be denied from you in the future!? It’s a million question every male black migrant in Europe must consider before contemplating on having a child… It is perceived mostly by black male migrants that one of the easiest way of obtaining resident permit is by having a child together with a female citizen of the country of residence Even without a proper knowledge of the said lady or country’s laws in regards to the benefits that accrues from fatherhood which is not enough reason in my perspective. the future of our children should be our priority and must be considered in our every day decision even prior to their birth .

I was on phone yesterday with a friend that was deported to Nigeria from Austria 🇦🇹 last month, I was unable to sustain the conversation for a longer period because of the tones of his language and the bitterness in his voice. Utterly he was crying deeply. His pains was not the deportation but his three grown up children that he may likely not see again. I could remember early 2012 in second district of Vianna; how happy he was and often seen with his three molate children two girls and a boy. He was indeed a caring father not one of the useless ones., every one of us that newly came admired him and wished to be like him in future , a dream lot of us are thankful for not coming through today because of the high rate of deportation of male black migrants that have children in Europe without their children at any slightest crimes (mistakes) even the most lenient ones.

Crimes are not good irrespective of reasons behind them, I hereby condemn it in every way, but however when a man with a family is involved the punishment should be separated from his entire family, his crime should not be used as a yardstick to destroy the lives of his children by perpetually taking his presence away from them in way of deportation and banishment after serving his terms in correctional facilities.

The trauma effects experienced by young people of color whose parents (especially fathers )are deported and banned from entering the county even on a visit is unjustifiable;to children with good relationship with their fathers it result in total breakdowns of behavior, morals and leads to crime in return. Some people argue that the pain of divorces and child custody fights among people of color in Europe is equivalent to that of deportation but it’s not true. Though it’s very unfortunate that most people of color do not consider the well-being and the future of their child/children in their decision but deportation and child custody are totally different and should not be compared. Truth be told 95% of mixed race children in Europe either do not *have a father* do not know who their father is* do not know where their father is * and do not have a fatherly upbringings

In other words their father is either barred by the system, denied access, incarcerated or deported.

Then I ask! Why have children? It’s true that people are of different reasoning and also circumstances plays some roles every now and then but what ever the reason we should not trade our children as a means rather as an end. it’s high time people of color especially(males)stop trading the future of their children for residents permit which does not confer an equal rights enjoyed by the citizens of their said country of residence. And if you must raise family in this part of the world save your child/children the future torture of your absence either in correctional facilities or deportation by not going against the law of the land of which you resides..Our children are our continuity may we never be found missing in their lives and may we never deny them the benefit of fatherly ❤️

The Abroad Paradise Deception ( when no One is there to Fix You; You fix yourself)

I turned the hot water in a bowel and added a little balm which immediatly increased the heat of the vepor i Then folded my face towel in two equal halves dipped it in hot water and massage my shoulder repeatedly , it was painful but i continued as i have little or no option at my disposal.

It has been three days since the pain on my right shoulder began after few days of painkillers intake without reliefs I decided to do the needful, apply Home medication as was taught by my parentes, and Believe me it worked, i was able to sleep better that night than the previous ones.

I repeated the hot water massages each morning not minding the pains which sometimes baffles me in the sense that i am the same person administrering the painful massage on myself for the relief of the cronic pains. In other words am my own medic a position someone Else could have easily taken if i were to be with my family or back Home but it’s fine it was not my first time of being in such position; I could remember vividly three years ago in Madrid i was rushed to emergency hospital in Spain, One of the best hospital in the world, because of a sevare stomach pain;

When every medical analyses proved abortive, i was asked to provide a next of kin for attestation before i would undergo a process called sigmoidoscopy because i was fast detoriating, i told Them i have no One; the doctors and nures could not Believe but it was true. I had no One, friends that supposed to go to the hospital with me on that day were engaged and Their reasons perfectly understood by me . Fortunatly i was asked to sign the documents myself and because some One related to me supposed to be present during the sigmoidoscopy i was assigned with three female nurses out of pity whose roles, were of immense importance for my Well being while i was operated on ; this story i Will continue another time.

One thing i learned in my decades of Living abroad especially Europe is that of self-Reliants and sufficient. You must standup for yourself because no One Else Will. There is no feeling of entiltlement from anyone except blood relations or families as the case May be. There are many friends but very good few which needful circumstances Will prove you wrong, and in Europe 98% of Them Will dissapiont you and you Will be fine because everyone is fighting his or her battle just like you.

Back Then in Africa as a teenager i was of the opinion that i was entilted to my elder brothers; uncle, cousin’s help to a certain age before reality hit me. So many entiltlements ranging from emotion to accomodation to finanaces and many more ; maybe it’s a Black culture because such does not exits here in Europe. And such decreases our willpower which conditioned Our mindset therefore deminishing Our potentials, I have reliazed that One of the reasons people succeed in Europe is of the fact of Self-reliant with Little or no expectation from people except The government. No One owes you anything and no ones owes you apology. Especially the lives of Lone Black migrants like myself are most affected in the sense that, it’s hard to gain from the system. You must work to feed, you must cook to eat. You must wash and clean your space to be clean and healthy, and you must do Them with open mind without help from anyone because you have no other option, there is no free ride to anything , As a Lone person with no parents and siblings around you are all to yourself and must do the necessary things to survive or bear the grunts. To live abroad One must understand that Nothing is free,

Over the years people in Africa Think abroad is easy where One Can easily Become Rich overnight, I myself was guilty of such narrative when my cousin came back from Germany 1996 with Mercedes-Benz and his white woman, building House and his families Living Well, it Became a fantasy and Dream of every Young boy to travel abroad, this was due the One sided view of life, all We could see was the flashy part without asking questions about the terms and conditions, even when they Try to tell us about Their predecament We often dont Believe in the sense that the person looks fresh, drives a Car and build houses.

It’s a vicious circle which exits til date.

Abroad is good with a right mindset and purpose, its for matured person because 80% of Black migrants in abroad today suffers from mental depression and high blood pressures due ro the realities on ground and conditions they found themselves. Irrespective of your condition you are still expected to do the needful for the families back in Africa whose survivals directly or indirectly depends on you in form of entiltlment or necessities either Way….there are many stories untold and until they are told Our people Will continue to Believe the deception that abroad is Paradise.