The value of presence

Describe one habit that brings you joy.

*Memories make a great Dad*

I am starving, Daddy! Could you please help me dish some food? she said.

“You can serve yourself after all you served yourself earlier today,” I replied.

“But Dad, I couldn’t this time. Please help me out!”

I got up from the couch where I was sitting with her younger sister, who was resting on my arm, pretending to sleep. “Chizzy, wait! I will be back,” I said as I laid her down properly on the couch and covered her with a blanket. I went straight to the kitchen, dishing out rice and stew, then returned to the couch to continue what I was doing.

Prior to her request, I had been contemplating writing a blog post about the habits that bring me joy. Sundays are particularly special because I am off from wor, unlike week days when I’m often busy with work while Saturdays serve for overtime. This gives me ample time to spend with my family, especially my two young daughters, ages 4 and 6.

Very early this morning, both of them came out of their room to sleep on my bed. Although it was uncomfortable for me, as I had to squeeze like sardines in a can, I could never imagine telling them not to be there or to go back to their room.

Again, what habits bring me joy?

Weekends, especially Sundays, are always special. We have so much time together, knowing this opportunity comes just once a week. We did skits, ran around, played together, enjoyed ice cream, watched movies, and studied. Now they are both tired and hungry. Unfortunately, their mom went out for work, leaving me to care for them alone. Tomorrow, I will leave very early in the morning before dawn, missing the chance for our morning greetings like we had today.

As I write this, Omalicah, my daughter, is still eating her dinner while her sister is resting on my arm, waiting for their mom to come back before going to bed. Yes, these habits give me immense joy as a parent. The joy of nurturing my children, being present, and watching them grow under my care and guidance are habits that not only bring me joy but also make me feel fulfilled.

The reason I was stressed!

(poem)..The poem was inspired by the writer’s experience—a dad with two lovely young daughters. It narrates the anxiety and pressure that come from working far from home, Watford to Borehamwood

Work

I was stressed from working

Though I did not walk..

Early morning wake-up

Without enough sleep

To catch the early bus

Before my time is up

*A route and my routine

My work and my walk.*

On bus to work

Though I am not the boss

Passing through bushy roads

even When the are busy

Seeing the tired faces

Even on daily basis

Adding to my stress

When they are also stressed

*A route and my routine

My work and my walk.*

How do I feed my kids

If I don’t do weeds

Borehamwood is not Hollywood

Though it makes the movies good

Its pathway made of woods

While I come from the hood

Estree and lots trees like

The beauty and the beast

*The reason was I stressed

was to get rid of my stress *

Selfishness in parenting

Parenting truly requires a great deal of selflessness. Our children not only take up space in our hearts but also influence the values we hold dear. They draw our focus away from self-love, leading us to prioritize their needs and well-being above our own. In many ways, they shape and guide our lives in profound ways. It can be challenging; a person who approaches parenting from a selfish perspective may struggle to embody the principles of intentional parenting. Our time, money, thoughts, and actions inevitably shift to cater to our children’s needs. Balancing our priorities while embracing the sacrifices of parenthood is no small feat, and it’s important to acknowledge the emotional journey that comes with it.A selfish person has no place in parenthood

If it meant taking their iPads away for a month, then so be it.

It was a hectic workday, and I had just returned home. After taking a bath and having dinner, I was ready to tackle my assignments, which I had been putting off for a while. However, I also needed to focus on my usual learning and teaching with my kids, which was becoming increasingly overwhelming. I understand the importance of education, especially at my kids’ early stage, and I strive to instill a culture of learning and studying in them. They must stay up to date with their studies and school assignments.

As I tried to relax on the couch with the TV on, my peace was soon interrupted by Boo-boo being chased by Omalicha. They ran out of their room, screaming and laughing, clutching their iPads.

“Can you girls reduce the noise?” I cautioned.

“Okay, Daddy,” Omalicha replied.

“Why are you screaming?” I asked again.

“Boo-boo… Mommy wants to take our iPads away,” they both gasped, panting as they jumped on me, seeking a shield and protection like people trying to escape an angry lion.

Just then, I heard my wife’s footsteps approaching.

“Babe, can you please tell them to switch off their iPads? They’ve been on them since they got back from school,” she said.

“Okay,” I replied.

“Can you believe Chimara hasn’t submitted or had her school work marked for the past two weeks? She even skipped some homework!” my wife continued, clearly frustrated.

“Seriously?” I responded in shock. “How was that possible?”

“Babe, last week I thought it was just a mistake. You know they are given assignments every week to submit the following week. When I realized her last week’s work wasn’t marked, I got worried.”

“Chimara, is that true?” I asked, who was starting to shiver at my reaction.

“Stand up,” I instructed, and she stood in front of me. “Why was your assignment not marked? And why did you skip one of your assignments?”

“Chimara… Daddy, I—I…” she stuttered.

“Did you not submit your assignments to your teachers?” I cut in.

“Daddy, I did, but…”

“But what?” I pressed.

“Why would your homework not be marked if it was submitted? Your mother said you didn’t submit your homework according to your teacher when the class was asked to turn it in.” At this point, she began to mumble, unsure of what to say.

“Okay, I see,” I said. “I realize that you’re starting to get distracted. You’ve spent too much time on your iPad, just like your mother said. Since you girls got back from school, you’ve been on those devices, and that needs to stop.”

“Okay, Daddy,” she replied.

“Hand it over to me.” She gave me her iPad.

“Akuoma, give me yours too.”

Boo-boo, “Mmm, okay,” and reluctantly placed it on the table.

“Now listen, both of you. This will be the last time I receive complaints from your teacher or your mommy about you not doing your homework or not submitting your assignments. Whenever you’re back from school, make sure you complete everything your mommy asks before picking up your iPads. I have realized that both of you are losing focus, not just on your studies, but on other things as well. Therefore, I will be taking your iPads away for a week, after which you will get them back.”

“But Daddy, I promise I will always do my assignments and be a good girl!” both pleaded, but it was already late, and I was determined to help them regain focus. If it meant taking their iPads away for a month, then so be it.

Self-love nourishes the soul while selfless love blossoms.❤️

I used to have a deep love for myself. Life was fulfilling, and I felt content, surrounded by everything I desired. But then, I got married, and I noticed that my self-love began to shift. A considerable part of it was shared with my spouse. Then our first child arrived, and I found that 70% of my self-love had been redirected towards them. At first, I accepted this change. But with the birth of our second child, I realized that almost all of my love had been given away—to my spouse and my children. I began to focus solely on their needs, often putting aside my own desires. I willingly gave up things for myself to provide for them. Every sacrifice I made came from a place of love, and I endured challenges for their happiness.

Despite this, I came to understand something beautiful: that while self-love may nourish the soul, it is selfless love that truly blossoms. Watching my children play, laugh, and express their affection fills my heart with joy and lifts my spirit in ways I never imagined. While self-love can be comforting, witnessing the pure, genuine love of my children is a soothing experience that transcends all. It’s a reminder of the profound depths of love we can share with others.

No day is the same!

What do you wish you could do more every day?

We will get better

Days are categorized and measured in the same way; each having twenty-four hours. However, despite their similarities in timing, no two days are ever the same. We often fail to realize or appreciate the opportunities each day presents until they have passed. As my late father used to say, “Had I known” is a brother to Mr. Late.

In our subconscious minds, we tend to overlook the little things that make life beautiful and add value to our existence because of anger, overthinking, pride, and greed. How I wish I could live each day the way I truly want! But then again, what do I really want?

At this moment, as I write this, I find myself feeling mad at my spouse due to a minor misunderstanding, Still, I wish I could kiss her every moment and tell her how much I love her, along with expressing my love to everyone around me.

Also, my biggest wish is to make each day count financially—meaning I want to earn money and make gains each day to adequately take care of my needs and that of my family.

The truth is that energies vary, and no day is the same. But understanding and appreciating the little things around us is the key to making each day meaningful. I love reading, listening to country songs, enjoying quiet environments, sharing laughter, and having deep, meaningful conversations. Eating healthy, exercising, and taking a walk However, all of this seems out of reach when I find myself financially unstable which makes my everyday wishes feel unattainable.

We often don’t realize what we have until it’s lost. Despite having a rough time, I sometimes look at my kids with their stress and endless questions and laugh, feeling blessed and lucky. Life could have been worse but it isn’t. I feel fulfilled knowing that we have a roof over our heads and food on our table, Keeping and raising a family is no easy task, but it is something we cherish deeply. Spending time with them every day is something I wished for and currently doing but every decision comes with its challenges and mine is not isolated however I know it could be better and will surely be better.

When labor fruits are rotten!

What is the last thing you learned?

The dignity fades away

It’s been nearly a month since I lost my job, and the emotional weight of it all has been quite heavy. Trying to find some comfort, I sat down with a cabbage salad, but the joyful noise coming from my children’s room seemed to echo the turmoil I feel inside. Normally, I might gently remind them to lower their voices, but today feels different—far from the routine we used to know.

The reality is that life often throws unexpected challenges our way, like job loss, and it can be hard to anticipate how deeply these events will affect us. After returning from our school runs, I wanted to give my kids a chance to reconnect after being apart all day. On a regular day, I would savor my salad, but today it feels bland against the backdrop of my worries.

Salad tastes different in the midst of worries!

As I’ve reflected on my situation, I realize that I’ve been viewing my circumstances through a negative lens. This afternoon, my kids asked for ice cream and a lollipop—a request they’ve made often this week, especially with the warm, sunny days around us. Unfortunately, I had to tell them, “I don’t have any money today, but I promise we can get some tomorrow.” It breaks my heart to let them down again, knowing that my “tomorrow” has stretched into weeks.

“Dad, how long until you have money?” my eldest daughter asked, her innocent curiosity piercing through my own worries.

How do I explain to them that a month without work has left me with no financial means, no savings to draw upon? It feels so disheartening to think that after years of hard work, just a brief period of joblessness can lead to such a struggle to provide for them—whether it’s paying rent, keeping food on the table, or even buying a small treat like ice cream. It brings to light an important question: what is the purpose of working if it doesn’t secure our family’s needs, our bills, or ensure we can prepare for the unexpected?

In the past, jobs were sources of pride and stability, allowing families to thrive—sending children to school, paying off homes, enjoying vacations, planning for retirement, and saving for those rainy days. Work once held a sense of dignity because it meant providing for loved ones. Yet in today’s world, when the fruits of our labor no longer meet our basic needs or shield us from life’s uncertainties, that dignity seems to fade away.last thing I learned.

When You are not you!

Do you believe in fate/destiny?

You are Still You!

After returning from the play park with my young girls on what seemed to be a sunny day—perhaps an early hint of summer—I could hear their complaints about the lack of outdoor experiences during the long winter months. With high spirits and enthusiasm, I noticed their sighs of relief when I mentioned going to the playground. Although it was a lovely day with sunshine and cool weather, I couldn’t help but wonder if this was my fate.

Were my current circumstances destined to happen, or were they merely the result of random decisions? Fate can be defined as the development of events outside a person’s control, often seen as predetermined by a supernatural power. It’s challenging to manage the unforeseen circumstances that life throws our way, which seem destined to occur.

This led me to question: What is destiny? Do I believe in it? Destiny refers to events that will inevitably happen to a particular person in the future. As you’re reading this article and trying to grasp the picture I’m painting to illustrate my story, I encourage you to ask yourself if this is fate, destiny, or simply the natural circumstances that bring us together.

Even when you are not you; you are still you!

While I may believe in fate, I must admit that I don’t fully understand how it works. The idea that every challenge I have faced is justified and that my victories were predestined could place me in a difficult position. I also believe that our future is shaped by our actions today. Yet, there are times when circumstances emerge that we, as humans, try to escape but cannot.

Complicated as it may seem, here I am, reflecting on my life—my children, my wife, my jobs, friends, family, admirers, detractors, and my country—wondering if all this is fate, my destiny, or simply a product of random decisions intertwined with the forces of nature. Meanwhile, my spouse has just returned from work, and the atmosphere in our home is alive again; everyone is happy after a day well spent.

It’s much like incarnation; even when you feel disconnected from yourself, you are still you. The same applies to fate and destiny: even if we doubt our circumstances or the journey of life, it remains our story and experience to share.

Life’s Insatiable Desires!

Describe a phase in life that was difficult to say goodbye to.

Lifetime experience

Sitting at the table with my youngest daughter, Akuoma, as I encourage her to eat while reflecting on my journey as a dad of two is a profound experience. Life moves so fast; my teenage years, when I was single and focused solely on myself, seem like a distant memory. Back then, I felt free, rich in possibilities, and unencumbered, always yearning for more with no one to worry about but myself. At a point, I couldn’t let go of my single nature but Life truly unfolds while we are busy pursuing other things, shaped by the phases and circumstances we encounter.

My childhood was filled with love, kindness, and affection—rich in lessons that may not have appeared glamorous at the time. Each life phase comes with its challenges and unforgettable memories that linger. I recognize the instinct to make decisions, a spark I also see in my first daughter, Omalicha. It’s a natural progression, one I too embraced.

Desires may remain insatiable, but with a mindful spirit, we can navigate them in pursuit of improvement. Often, the wisdom we acquire comes later in life. Adulthood brings a blend of responsibilities and the freedom we seek. At times, we find ourselves yearning for advancement or caught up in the euphoria of our pursuits.

In adulthood, I discovered that my happiness deepened with the desire to have children. That’s when my beautiful daughters entered my world. They are loving and joyful and at times challenging, yet every moment is invaluable. Being a dad and a husband is the most rewarding role I could have imagined.

So here I am, doing my utmost to ensure my daughter has her lunch, even if it involves sharing from her plate something I could not imagine as a single adult yet it’s an experience I would love to have a lifetime.

Trusting yourself is a precious gift!

What advice would you give to your teenage self?

To My Younger Self (thank You)

As a teenager, nothing feels more alluring than the freedom of adulthood, the sweet escape from the watchful eyes of parents and older siblings. I can see this yearning in my six-year-old daughter, who often whispers to me, “Daddy, I wish I were 12.” It’s a heartfelt sentiment that reflects a natural stage in life. Many teenagers, having completed secondary school and entering the early days of puberty, experience a profound awakening of self-awareness and a fierce desire for recognition. It’s as if they are convinced they possess invincible superpowers, capable of conquering any challenge that comes their way. I, too, was swept up in that exhilarating tide.

To my younger self, I would gently say: take a moment to breathe and savor the journey. The excitement to fully embrace life sometimes led me down paths of reckless decisions, choices for which I still bear the consequences today. I often find myself reflecting on my missed opportunities, especially regarding my education. Dropping out due to financial hardship is a regret that lingers, a reminder of the barriers that once felt insurmountable.

To my teenage self, I urge you to embrace life’s moments but to do so with mindfulness. I understand now that the balance between enjoyment and caution is vital. My own youthful struggles, compounded by a strict upbringing and pressing economic challenges, often meant that I had little room for enjoyment—experiences that I now wish I had allowed myself to embrace.

Trusting yourself is a precious gift. I know how easy it is to seek validation in others, and I too fell prey to that vulnerability. My sincerity and openness sometimes left me exposed to others’ intentions. I realize now that believing others would reciprocate my kindness was a lesson learned through hardship—a truth that still echoes in my life today.

Finally, I want to extend heartfelt gratitude to my younger self for persevering through every challenge and for the tapestry of experiences that have shaped the person I am today. Thank you for your resilience and for laying the foundation of the journey I continue to walk.